Migration out of the Carolinas. In the case presented here, Frances Fearn describes the experiences of a well-to-do woman from the South, who fled from her home to avoid the American Civil War.

DIARY OF A REFUGEE

EDITED BY

FRANCES FEARN

ILLUSTRATED BY
ROSALIE URQUHART

NEW YORK
MOFFAT, YARD AND COMPANY
1910

INTRODUCTION

        IT was while I was spending the summer in Virginia, where I had gone in search of quiet and rest, after my extensive tour through the country, that I saw in one of the papers an appeal from a Historical Society, to those who had any real data in regard to the Civil War to publish it, as so many who were connected with the war on both sides were rapidly dying off.

        I remembered a diary kept during the war by a member of my family, who was a woman of rare qualities of brain, and heart, with an unusually just mind. I felt sure that anything written by her would be so liberal and fair that it could not fail but prove interesting reading, for the people of both the North and the South.

The steamer has arrived and we go on board to-morrow; we hear the most awful accounts of her condition, that she is very dirty. James sent his valet and my maid to clean our cabins, and to make a list of what will be needed to make us more comfortable. We are going to take a large quantity of fruit and fresh vegetables, also barrels of ice, as they have none on board. From all accounts we shall have very poor food. Our friends predict the most terrible things for us, as the steamer has been for weeks putting in at all the ports on the coast and islands, without stopping for repairs or general cleaning, but we cannot help ourselves; we must leave here and take our chances, for I have known since yesterday that there are cases of yellow fever in the hotel.

ON BOARD S. S. "ST. THOMAS"

A week later

Nothing we heard about this ship was in any way exaggerated. Her condition is too awful!!! dirty in every way. It was not a matter of one day, but many days, before Jack and my maid could clean our cabins so that we could sleep in them. We have all slept on deck; the mattresses or hammocks are brought up after dark, and we do not go to the cabins in the morning until we are driven down by the sailors, who, I am glad to say, do wash the decks. Some of the crew have died and been buried at sea. It seems that at the last port where the ship stopped to coal there was prevailing an epidemic of the worst type of tropical fever, which is generally fatal; not only numbers of the crew, but some of the steerage passengers have died of it. All danger of contagion will not be over for ten days, indeed we shall not feel free from anxiety until we get into the Atlantic, and sufficiently far North to have cold weather. Nothing could be worse than the food; fortunately we have the fruit, vegetables, and barrels of ice that James had put on board; also a friend of ours had all the life boats filled with fruit and provisions of all kinds that could be bought in Havana to add to our comfort; without these we should be in a very bad way.

        One rather amusing thing happened the day we sailed. One of Clarice's friends asked her what she would like to have on the voyage. She replied, "Something to read." "Very well, I will see that you have plenty of books," he added. After we had sailed her father asked her what was in the very large box addressed to her. She opened it, and great was her surprise to find two dozen most beautiful and very costly books; but still greater was her astonishment to see her father on reading the titles throw one after the other into the sea. Her friend was evidently not a scholar, and had simply given the bookseller an order for twenty-four of the most expensive and handsomely bound books he had, regardless of the character or title of them. Poor child! she was heart-broken to have all her beautiful books (at least in appearance) thrown into the sea.

         I have not been able to write for many days, as after we got out of the Gulf of Mexico into the Atlantic, we have had terrible weather, very rough seas, and high winds with constant rains. The necessity of sleeping in our cabins has been dreadful, we slept on deck even when it rained and was most disagreeable; anything seemed preferable to going down into our stuffy, bad-smelling cabins; but when it got very rough the Captain refused to allow us to remain above as he thought it was not safe.

        It is two weeks to-day since we sailed, and if all goes well we may reach England in ten days; we are tremendously relieved that all danger of taking the fever is over; in fact, we are all in better health than when we sailed, particularly since we have had cooler weather.

        Our dear friend General Preston is with us, he is the life of the party, as he is always in a good humor and full of fun; there are also Captain Scott from Mobile, and Mr. and Mrs. Goldenell, an American married to an Englishwoman, both of whom are very agreeable and pleasant traveling companions, and one or two other passengers. It is very fortunate that there are not many on board, as the steamer has a limited number of cabins, and the provisions, bad as they are, are getting very low; each day we are reduced to one dish less. They tell us that if we do not reach England within a few days, we shall indeed be reduced to very slim rations. We have exhausted our supply of vegetables, fruit, and all other provisions, and what our good friend had put in the life boats for us was forgotten the first storm we encountered, and until hours afterwards when it was thought of, but it had by that time been completely spoilt, as these boats are not covered.

SEPTEMBER 3^RD

        Land is in sight, and none too soon, for we have heard rumors for the last ten days that the ship is not in a seaworthy condition. Last night she sprung a leak, and all hands worked at the pumps during the night. There was no immediate danger, as we had a perfectly smooth sea and clear weather, but there seems to be very little doubt in the minds of the men that if we had encountered a storm during the last days, the ship would have foundered, and nothing could have saved us. It is with feelings of great gratitude and rejoicing that we see the land and know that we are in reach of help if needed, and that we shall soon be on shore. We are destined to experience what short rations mean on ship-board as well as when traveling across the wilds of Texas, for our food has been portioned out to us in small quantities these last ten days. We have complained less than the other passengers, owing to our former discipline in this respect and have made rather a joke of it, laughing unmercifully at the complaints and grumblings of the others, to their indignation.

VII LIVERPOOL.

Once more safely on shore, and to our great joy and surprise our son Charles, with his very pretty and attractive young wife, met us on our arrival. My nieces, who are to me as though they were my children, are here also, so it is like a home-coming for us poor weary travelers. With our English ancestors and traditions, England must be to those coming from the Southern States like the mother country; apart from this, we feel that in their hearts the English people sympathize with us in our struggle for freedom, and would like to have us succeed, even if they do not openly declare so.

We are comfortably settled in lodgings such as you find only in England, where you have all the comforts and privacy of home, without the responsibilities. The landlady probably has lived for years with one of the great families, and is an excellent cook. She married the butler, and they set up an establishment for themselves. It all seems very peaceful and delightful, making us feel as though we had, indeed, reached a safe harbor after so much traveling, and the many hardships, dangers, and difficulties that we have had to endure.

        Dear old England, how I love it! with its centuries of civilization and traditions, making every place one of great historical interest. How little one can appreciate the English people until you have visited, and learned to know them, in their comfortable and beautiful homes. It is there that you see the English gentleman at his best, and on his country estates he is always a most cordial and charming host. The Englishwoman, who is generally shy and more reserved than we are, becomes gracious, and does the honors of her home with great simplicity and charm. This well-regulated and delightful life is a great contrast to what it is in a new country, where much is crude and often almost barbarous, with its vulgar money estimate of everything. I am afraid my husband is right when he calls me a born aristocrat. I cannot help it! I love the refinement and well-established customs of old countries, with the well-regulated routine of domestic life such as exists here.

Some weeks later in Paris

        After a most delightful visit to Leamington, where we went to attend the wedding of my cousin, who married Dr. How of Baltimore, we spent a few days at Stratford-on-Avon, and saw all that was interesting there, and also Warwick. We have had a most enjoyable trip, and were very loath to leave England. It was necessary, however, for us to come here, as my husband wishes to see us settled for the winter, and find a school for Clarice before he leaves to return to Mexico, where he has large interests.

        We are indulging in the great pleasure that all women feel, when they can shop in Paris. The things we bought in Havana are not suitable for the winter climate here, and they do not seem to us quite so wonderfully beautiful as they did when we bought them. I think we are becoming more fastidious and difficult to please than we were on reaching Havana.

PARIS, OCTOBER

        Beautiful, fascinating Paris! But with all its brightness and the splendor that exists under the third Empire, it does not appeal to me; my heart goes back to England. However, I know that I must stay here for the winter on account of Clarice. We are looking for an apartment; while we have seen many, none of them are suitable, so few are even clean, and as yet we have not seen one with a bathroom.

        A curious thing happened last night while we were at the theater, just before the close of the piece. During the last act we noticed a man who had been for some time looking steadily at our box through his opera-glass, but as he stood in a passage where there was very little light, this prevented us from seeing his face. On coming out we thought we saw in the crowd our friend the French officer of Matamoras. It seemed so unlikely that we dismissed the idea as being improbable. In the course of a few days we found out that we were not mistaken, as he was the man who had been looking so long at Belle, and followed us to our hotel. The next day he came to the hotel and bribed Jack (my husband's valet) to tell him our plans; on hearing that we were looking for an apartment, he gave Jack the address of one, and told him to be sure and have us go to look at it. When he went home to his mother, he informed her that an American family were coming to look at the apartment that she wanted to let, and that she must allow them to have it on their own terms as it meant everything to him and his future happiness. This apartment was a part of a large and very handsome private house of a French lady of high rank and wealth. It was not only beautiful, and very handsomely furnished, but it was perfect in all of its appointments, as it had been furnished for her only daughter at the time of her marriage. The son-in-law having recently received a foreign appointment, she was left alone in this enormous house with her bachelor son, and as he was in the army, he was frequently away for long intervals. The dear old lady, with the usual French thought of economy, had the idea that if she could find some desirable people who would be congenial to her, she would be willing to rent this part of her house. Her son impressed upon her that it was most important for her not to give her real name to these Americans that were coming until they had decided to take the apartment, and it became necessary to do so. When we called to look at the apartment the next day, Count de Sombreuil having told his mother that we were very wealthy, she had at once the thought of a possible rich American daughter-in-law, so she did not hesitate to make such terms as would be acceptable to us.

        Of course, we were more than pleased with the spacious and beautiful apartment on the ground floor, the large salon opened out onto a most lovely garden where there was a fountain, and great profusion of flowers, servants in handsome livery an every appearance of great wealth. We were simply amazed when told the price of it, and all that we should have, even the use of one of the old lady's carriages and horses, also twice a week seats in her box at the Opera.

        We thought it much too good a bargain to miss, so James said he would not take it for less than a year. The old lady agreed most willingly to let us have it for any length of time that we should want it. The next day we moved in, and great was our surprise on looking out into the garden to see our friend the French officer walking with the old lady as though it was his home. In the afternoon he sent to ask permission to call on us, and explained that the lady was his mother, the Countess de Sombreuil. As the French Army had been withdrawn from Mexico he was able to leave almost immediately after we left, but he could not reach Bagdad in time to sail with us. Clarice, with a child's frankness, said to him, "Oh! Count, I hope you did not get very wet when the water poured down on the musicians at the time of the serenade." He laughed heartily and replied, "My dear young friend, I had left before it happened," which confirmed what we had heard.

NOVEMBER

        We have been in our luxurious quarters just a month; nothing could exceed the kindness and generosity of the dear old Countess, and the devotion and many kind acts of the Count. The Countess sends in every morning to know what hour we should like to have the carriage, and Belle has been several times to the Opera with her.

        I have found an excellent school in the neighborhood for Clarice, where she boards during the week; but spends Saturday and Sunday with us. Madame Hoffman, who is at the head of the school, came to see me in a great state of excitement, as she said that while walking in the Bois with the girls of the school, the Emperor, seeing Clarice, was so struck with her beauty that he sent one of his aide-de-camps to inquire of the teacher (who was in charge of the girls) the name and address of the young girl. Madame Hoffman is very unhappy about it, but I cannot imagine that anything serious will come of it; the Emperor has probably forgotten all about her - she is such a child!

A few days later.

        I have been very much upset by receiving an invitation to be present with my daughter at the next reception to be given at the Palace of the Tuileries. I have declined to go on account of my deep mourning, and refused for Clarice on the score of her being too young. Since my refusal to attend the reception at the Palace of the Tuileries, the Emperor has had Clarice asked to a small entertainment for young people, to be given at the Palace of one of the Court officials, and it is known that he intends to be present. After consulting friends as to what I should do, they advise me to take her away from Paris for the present, as the admiration of the Emperor is something for a young girl to avoid rather than seek, so I am going to take Clarice to London for a few weeks; it is very annoying, as it takes her away from her studies.

A month later

        I remained away only ten days, as I really had to bring Clarice back to her studies. I shall simply not allow her to go where there is any chance of the Emperor seeing her again.

        All Paris is going mad over the beautiful young Swedish prima donna, Christine Nilsson. Clarice came home a few days ago very much excited, as the evening before Christine had dined with the girls at the school; she was visiting the daughter of the Swedish Minister, who is there as one of the scholars. According to the rules of the school, when a visitor dines with the girls, she is allowed to select one of them to be her hostess, besides the one whose guest she is. The girl selected is to be the hostess of the evening, and must fill that role by making herself agreeable, and graciously doing the honors of the occasion.

        The girls were all standing in their places when Christine entered the dining-room, each one eagerly hoping in her heart to be the chosen one. After looking up and down the line of girls with their eager faces, she walked up to Clarice and said: "You fair young creature, I want you." This was the beginning of a strong friendship between the two that bids fair to last for a long time. As great a pleasure as this friendship is to Clarice, I think I have even more pleasure from it, as Christine is very sweet and kind in coming to sing; whenever she has the spare time, she very generously gives me the benefit of it, and it is a rare treat, for I am a great lover of music, and being in mourning I do not go to the Opera. Apart from her voice, she has a charming personality, with great beauty; her coloring is wonderful, her hair very golden, large blue eyes, and the fair skin that usually goes with such hair and eyes. She is very simple, and has a lovely nature, spontaneous and like a child. She radiates sunshine and happiness on all who come in contact with her. I am very grateful to her for the brightness and cheer that she has brought into my sad life, and the great enjoyment that I have had from her music. She has not been singing very long in Opera, as she has only recently made her debut in "La Traviata," when she sent Clarice a box to hear her. They tell me the child was so excited that it was all they could do to keep her from falling out of the box.

        Our colony of Americans from the Southern States is not a large one, but we are drawn all the closer together, in our anxiety and sorrow regarding the sad events that are taking place in our section of the country. What we hear in regard to the treatment of the prisoners on Johnson's Island, makes us very anxious about Richard. We are hoping daily to hear that he has been exchanged; we have written begging him to apply at once for leave so that he may join us, for I am sure that he must be suffering from the effects of his long imprisonment, now nearly twenty months; for one who is not very strong, the long confinement and lack of proper food must have had serious effect upon him.

        It is Belle who brightens our lives and fills them with interest; her great charm and personal fascination draw around her a most interesting and clever set of people of all nationalities. In her salon are met men of fame, statesmen, diplomatists, high officials of the Court and Government; they meet there to discuss the important political and current events of the day; she is the brilliant center of all with her quick wit and marvelous gift of language. The occasional opportunities given to Clarice, when she is at home on Saturday and Sunday, to meet these distinguished men and scholars, who are making the history of the day, is greatly appreciated and enjoyed by her. I hope that it may prove a liberal education for her, and cultivate in her an interest in higher and more serious subjects than young girls of her age usually care for, the influence of which she will feel all throughout her life. It is very easy to entertain in these handsome and attractive rooms, with the generous assistance of the Countess, who not only fills them with the greatest variety of beautiful plants and flowers from her conservatory, but insists upon our having all of her men servants in their gorgeous livery. This makes a great impression upon our Southern friends. One of our naval officers came the other night, and seeing this evidence of great wealth and the beautiful surroundings, when one of the men offered to help him with his coat, said: "No, I have made a mistake, this cannot be where my friends are living,we Southerners cannot afford to live like this." But on the assurance of the servant that we did live there, he came in, and was shown into my sitting-room, where I receive a few of my personal friends, as I never go into the large salon on these occasions. I could not help but be amused at his evident disapproval of our surroundings and way of living; he took it so seriously that I had to explain to him how it all happened.

SPRING OF 1865

        The winter is over and the spring has come with all of its glorious beauty; nowhere could it be more wonderful than in Paris, all the broad streets have such splendid avenues of trees, I believe that no city in the world can boast of so many. I have heard the number estimated as high as four hundred thousand, making a veritable forest. Then Paris with all its attractions has, in addition, many enchanting and interesting places nearby that one can reach in a short time, and there spend a most delightful day; such are St. Cloud, Versailles, St. Germain, where not only is the country beautiful, but there is so much that is historically interesting to see. To me the Bois is an endless source of amusement. What could be more enchanting than it is, with its wealth of flowers and avenues of acacia (when in bloom), and beneath them long lines of carriages of all kinds are ever passing; those of the Court with their glittering horses and outriders, also those of the French beauties in their marvelous toilets, and combined with the varied and bright uniforms of the officers, they make a brilliant and ever-changing throng of people to watch. But of all this splendid pageant the person who interests me most is the Empress Eugénie. I always feel a thrill when I see her, for she is really most beautiful - graceful, and with something about her that is intensely sympathetic. The sweet smile with which she always greets the people as she passes by, never fails to fascinate those who come under her spell. She is one of those rare persons who is beautiful under all circumstances; with her marvelously perfect figure, and being a remarkably good rider, she is simply stunning on horseback. At night in ball dress, with her wonderful coloring, she is a vision of loveliness. Then she moves with that ease and grace peculiar to the Spanish race; no nation possesses it quite to the same degree. One of the many stories that they tell of her is, that on the occasion of a great fête at St. Cloud, before the Emperor had asked her to marry him, she was present wearing a wonderful Parisian creation of lace and muslin, such as only they can make, and in it she looked her loveliest. While leaning over to peer into a basin of water surrounding one of the great fountains, she lost her balance and fell in. The Emperor came to her rescue. According to the story, she was thoroughly drenched and, her garments being of very thin and transparent material, clung to her in such a way as to show to great advantage the outlines of her faultless figure. If the Emperor had any doubt in his mind about asking her hand in marriage this removed it, for the following day the engagement was announced. There are such conflicting accounts about her, she has her ardent admirers and devoted followers, and from these you hear nothing but what is in her praise - they tell you that she is most charitable, kind, and good. Being myself one of her greatest admirers I prefer to believe all the good that I hear of her, and will not listen to any other account of her.

        We hear from America there is a rumor that the prisoners of Johnson's Island are going to be exchanged. God grant that it may be so, and that when free, Richard may be given a leave of absence and join us here; this anxiety, and not being able to hear from him, is terrible.

A month later

        Not our hopes, but our worst fears are realized. It is a sad story to relate; until to-day I could not write it, but perhaps it may help me if I do so. General Grant did what he could for our brave boy, he sent an order that when the prisoners were released, instead of Richard going up to be exchanged with the other prisoners from Johnson's Island, he was to be brought to him; but by some misunderstanding of the order, Richard was allowed to go with the others. He heard those ahead of him have their names called, and as each responded he was detailed for exchange; when his name came and he answered, a Federal officer touched him on the shoulder and said, "No, you come with me." Poor dear boy! fearing that he was going to be taken back to prison again, he fainted; owing to his weak condition from the want of proper food, and the long confinement, he had not the strength to bear the disappointment and shock that it gave him. It was some time before he recovered consciousness, and when he did, great was his astonishment to find himself in General Grant's tent. He kept Richard with him for several days until he was stronger and had recovered from the effects of the shock that he had received. General Grant did all that he could for him; realizing his weak condition, and knowing how we longed to see him, he begged Richard to come to Europe on parole, offering to be responsible for him and to give him his parole until the end of the war. General Grant knew only too well that our army could not hold out much longer against the hordes of Germans and other nationalities that were being enlisted in the Northern army in large numbers, too great for our reduced army to fight against. With the blockade of our ports, and no outside help possible, boys of fifteen and younger taking the place of the older men as they fell, it meant that the end was not far off, when we must lay down our arms and accept the inevitable consequences of defeat.

The more the General tried to impress these conditions upon my brave boy, the more keenly he felt that his duty was to join his comrades; it was not a moment when he could desert the cause of his country in its death struggle, when every man counted for so much. He said, "Oh! no, General, I must go, and with my brave companions defend our cause to the end. Greatly tempted as I am to accept your generous offer and join my poor father and mother, knowing how they have suffered and that they need all the consolation which I might be able to give them, my sense of duty to the cause I have espoused makes it impossible for me, while I fully appreciate what you have offered to do for me, to accept it. Remember, we are of the same blood. Would you do differently if you were in my place?" "No," he replied. "Then, I beg of you," said Richard, "have me exchanged." But the General sent him under a flag of truce to Richmond. Only a few days after reaching there, before he received his appointment, he was taken ill with pneumonia. In his weak condition there was no hope of his recovery from the first. He was fortunately staying in the house of a dear friend, Miss S. L. Bayne, who nursed him with the greatest devotion all during his illness. With him also was Joe Denegre of New Orleans, a very dear comrade and friend of his, one with whom he had been closely associated from the beginning of the war until he was taken prisoner. It was in his arms that Richard passed away.

        I have many letters about him, the one from General Grant expresses great sympathy for us, and admiration of Richard's courage and high sense of honor. Much as he wanted him for my sake to accept the parole and urged him to do so, he was glad he refused, and he loved the boy for faithfully fulfilling his duty to the cause he had so much at heart.

        What a sad little colony we are! with the continual succession of bad news telling of one disaster after another until we are in despair. Apart from my own overwhelming sorrows are those that we all suffer together in our great anxiety in regard to the fate of our loved ones who are struggling in vain against such fearful odds. How much longer can they hold out is the question we ask each other, but the answer is read in the sad faces around us, for we all know in our hearts that the end is near.

A few days later

        All hope is over! Richmond fell on the 3d of April, and Lee surrendered on the 9th, six days afterwards, so this dreadful war is over!!! What a useless sacrifice of life it has been, what untold suffering it has brought to the thousands of broken-hearted mothers and wives! to say nothing of the ruined homes and desolation of a once rich and productive part of the country.

        General Grant in his treatment of General Lee when he surrendered was worthy of the big- hearted and just man that he is; the utterance of those simple but ever-touching words, "Let us have peace," ought to make him dear to all Americans, North and South. It will take time to enable us to adjust ourselves to the inevitable, and the process of reconstruction of the States, I fear, will be long and tedious. It will be in the hands of such just men as President Lincoln and General Grant that we must trust our fate. In the agony of our own sorrows, every heart goes out in love and sympathy for our noble and great hero General Lee. Never was a man so dear to the hearts of his people, adored by his troops, who willingly laid down their lives at his feet. In his hour of misfortune he will rise to greater heights than those who are victorious, his word is law for us, we accept his surrender as the noblest proof of his greatness and unselfish love for his poor, half-clothed, starving little band of heroes, who became such from his brave example, and were loyal to him to the last hour.

A few days later

        Our sorrows and misfortunes are never to cease. I can see only dark, terrible days ahead of us in consequence of the awful assassination of President Lincoln. Coming at this time it is the greatest misfortune, and will be more disastrous in its effect upon the South than anything that could have happened. What a madman Booth was not to realize this! and it is terrible to think of the many innocent people that are going to be made to suffer in consequence of his mad and unjustifiable act. This awful crime cannot be wiped out by the hanging of Booth only, I fear others will be made to pay very dearly for it; if not with their lives, it will be in other ways of suffering and humiliation. I am sure that all just and fair-minded Southerners feel that. Had Lincoln lived, aided by the conciliatory policy of General Grant, the reconstruction of the States could have been brought about with less difficulty, and on far better terms and conditions for us than can be hoped for now. The bad feeling that President Lincoln's assassination will arouse against us throughout the North will make them want to show us little mercy, and greatly complicate the settlement of the difficult questions that we must all face. God help us!

        […]

Several months later

        The conditions in our part of the country are still very unsettled, the events of the last months indicate clearly that the reconstruction is going to be a long, tedious, and trying time for the Southern States. We begin to feel that we must go back, but it will be a sad home-coming, without a home to go to. The family circle is broken by the death of our boys, and many dear old friends will be missing. Then we are uncertain as to whether we shall be able to save enough from the wreck of our fortune to enable us to live even in a very modest way. It is hard for my husband after a long life of success in everything that he has ever undertaken, now in his old age to have the wealth representing years of hard and successful work swept away, through no fault of his own. He is wonderfully brave and plucky about it, and is anxious to go back and begin to rebuild his fortune. But I see a great change in him since Richard's death. I have my doubts about his strength and health enabling him to do much more. The spirit is willing, but the poor heart has suffered so much anxiety and sorrow during those terrible four years that I fear it has reached its limit.

OCTOBER, 1865

        The romance commenced in Matamoras, resumed in Paris under rather extraordinary circumstances, has ended in a marriage, which I have reason to hope will be for the happiness of both Belle and the Count. The wedding was a very small one, owing to our deep mourning, but all our little colony was present, as it was the last time we shall see our friends. We bid them farewell; tomorrow we leave Paris for Liverpool, and shall sail from there to New York. Count de Sombreuil has endeared himself to us in many ways. He has never failed in his devotion and sympathy for us during the trying times that we have passed through while living in his mother's house. The dear old Countess, too, has been the same, full of sympathy and kindness, ever ready to do anything that she could for us. I am glad that she is so delighted with the marriage. As the Count is leaving the army, she no longer dreads the possibility of being left alone in this beautiful home, for it is understood that her son and his wife are to live with her. I wonder if I shall have the courage to resume my diary when I reach New Orleans. Will it be to record painful experiences, or will the conditions be better than they promise at present? However, I shall write no more until I get there.

        I bid farewell to you, my constant little companion, and close your pages with regret, for you have been a great help and consolation to me, during these years of sorrow and many trials.